12 april... my uncle passed away yesterday morning. my heart felt so heavy and i miss him alot. he was genuinely a nice man and a good father. i know he loved singapore and the chinese culture alot. i remember hearing how happy he was when he was served tea at the tea ceremony of my cousin's wedding in december last year.

he opened his house to us when we visited his family in shanghai about 3 yrs ago while he was still stationed there in citibank. we spent christmas with his family that year. he's family, and losing family hurts.

there really is nothing like a sudden loss to make you take a double look at what you have. the last i saw him was when we went over to my uncle's for reunion dinner. he wasn't feeling too well and left early. a few days later, news spread that he was diagnosed with leukemia.

barely 3 months later, he's left us. i cannot even begin how heartwrenching it must be for his family. my family were at his wake last night and i noticed how his eldest son would always turn to look at uncle richard's picture. for a while, he left his table of friends and walked towards uncle richard's picture and stood before it and stared at it. my aunt, looked so worn out. my mom gave her a hug and she told us she'd been crying for days but she'd be okay. it worries me that she might fall ill.

13 april... today was a long day. first to uncle richard's wake, then to a church for his memorial service, and then on to the crematorium. today was also tough. i found myself tearing at each place we go to pay our respects to uncle richard. at the crematorium when i said my last goodbyes, there was where i really let go of my tears and stop pretending like i could hold it all back.

his hearse drove past DBS in shenton way, where the staff of the bank stood along the sides to pay their last respects to uncle richard. it was quite a sight.

the eulogies were almost too painful to listen to. one of his friends talked about how he first met his wife, and how a couple of days before his passing, she was by his side holding his hand and wiping his tears away. that is love, the real deal. seeing how broken she was, you could really see how much she really loved him.

that's what breaks my heart the most, lost love. a wife who has lost her husband. children who have lost their father. things like that just leave a huge void in your heart that cannot be completely replaced by love from others.

as many have said, time will heal. on the days when we look back, we're going to see his smile and hear his laugh, and it's going to hurt a little. but we'll keep on, simply because we have to.

he sadness in the eyes of the people i met there at the wake was haunting. see uncle richard, see how much you mean to all of us? we'll miss you.

rest in peace, uncle richard.